Nightmares
by mrsbonniemellark
Summary: Post-Mockingjay, pre-epilogue. Katniss and Peeta find comfort in each other. "Eventually, our sobs dissipate and we sleep, clinging to each other as if we would drown without the other."
1. Reality Now

Our lips find each other in the dark. A kiss meant for comfort, assurance. _I am here. You are safe_, his lips tell me; his arms a sanctuary. _I love you. Stay with me_, my lips write across his face, my fingers whisper in his hair. My tears turn our kiss salty. My sobs shake me, making my lips sloppy. He stops kissing me, only to pull me closer. He strokes my hair, murmuring, "Shh, you're okay," as if I were a child. And I let him, because there is something about broken people that makes us look at them as children. My hands fist in his shirt, because the closer I get to him, the safer I feel. My tears fall and mix with his own. I am selfish not to comfort him, so I brush his tears from his cheeks with my lips and snuggle closer. Eventually, our sobs dissipate and we sleep, clinging to each other as if we would drown without the other.

When I wake up, my arms are around Peeta, my cheek touching his. I seem to be lying on top of him, with his arms around me. There's absolutely no way for me to get up without disturbing him, so instead I kiss him awake.

"Hey," he smiles at me. "You okay?" His smile fades naturally into a look of concern.

"Yeah," I say. And I am. I'm not great, but I'm okay. Thanks to him. "You?" I ask, not forgetting that I wasn't the only one crying last night.

"Yeah..." he says with a sigh. "It's nothing new." I kiss him again briefly before rolling out of bed.

"Breakfast?" Peeta asks.

"Sure. I'm just gonna take a shower, then I'll be right down." He smiles at me again and for a moment I can't breathe, though I try not to think about why.

After Peeta goes to work I do the only thing I can think to do: I go to the lake. I stare at the clear blue water as if it'll somehow help clear my mind. And it does, but not in the way I want it to.

Peeta. He is always present in my mind now and in my heart, like a second heartbeat. It doesn't seem logical but there it is. Why am I fighting it so hard? Why does it bring me the greatest happiness I've ever known but still cause me to run away in fear? Why am I so afraid?

I stop thinking about it. It's not doing me any good anyway. So instead I hunt. At least this way I'm doing something useful.

I'm cooking dinner when Peeta comes home that night. "Hey," he says. "What are you making?"

"Squirrel stew." He leans over my shoulder to get a better look and I don't think about it, I lean back against him. He stiffens but then puts his arms around me. I keep stirring the stew.

"It smells amazing. Thanks," he says sweetly.

"Who said this was for you?" I joke. He laughs. We usually take turns cooking dinner, but tonight was technically his night. "Did you bring anything home from the bakery?"

"A couple cheese buns and some cookies for dessert." His breath blows hot next to my ear and I shiver.

"This is almost ready. Can you set the table?" It shouldn't feel like I'm sending him away, but it does. A couple minutes later we're eating dinner and I reach for his hand across the table.

"You ok?" He looks so concerned it breaks my heart a little, but this is the second time tonight I've sought out his touch. Our touches are for comfort, the only light bright enough to keep the darkness at bay.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine." _Thanks to you_. I can't say that, it's too much of a declaration. But it's true, and suddenly I _want_ to say it. And when I do I see his eyes light up and he squeezes my hand and I know I made the right choice. I smile at the look on his face. When he is happy, I am happy. I don't know when that happened but it is my reality now.


	2. Gnawing Ache

The gnawing, aching feeling in my chest has returned. I can't remember the last time I felt like this, for I have blocked it from my mind. It could've been yesterday or the day before, it is hard to tell. The coldness inside spreads throughout my limbs and leaves me numb. I wish there was a way to make it go away.

I want to run from the monster within; to cry out for help. But I cannot even summon the strength to call Peeta. The phone is so very far away. I curl into myself as if, by making myself small enough, I could stop existing all together. I take a deep, shaky breath in an attempt to calm myself, but it has the opposite effect. As if the monster sensed my moment of strength, it came at me again in full force. I weaken. I crumble.

An hour or so later I am finally able to call Peeta at the bakery. I don't say anything, but I don't have to. He hears it in my voice. "I'm on my way," he says and relief courses through me.

The walk from the bakery to our house seems to take longer than usual. It feels as though an eternity has gone by in the mere minutes since hanging up with Peeta. I feel the monster's hold on me grow stronger with every second. The world blurs around me as my eyes lose focus and I stop being able to form clear thoughts.

Eventually, I feel arms around me. He is here. He pulls me onto his lap and kisses me gently. "Shhh, I'm here now. You're safe. You're ok," he soothes. I want to believe him, I do. But the monster is still there. And I don't know how to keep it at bay. I explain the monster to him and he understands, nodding. "You can't fight something you can't see with your bow and arrow. But there are still chinks in its armor. You have to shoot arrows of happiness and love at it. That's all," he smiles at me. "But don't worry too much. I'm here. I'll fight it for you for now. Just sleep."

With his arms around me I achieve a kind of peace that I can't on my own. And it's not long before I fall asleep.

When I wake up, he's still there. It seems impossible, but it's true. What did I do to deserve someone this good? I turn around in his arms to face him and he smiles at me sadly. I wish I couldn't see the sorrow in his eyes. I wish I wasn't the cause of it. Of all of it. "Hey," he says. "Feeling better?"

"A little," I admit. I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling right now but I know I'm better than before. I wish I wasn't so dependent on him in my dark hours but he's just as dependent on me in his. We need each other. There's nothing wrong with that.

"Good. You hungry?" he says. He brushes the hair away from face and snuggle closer to him.

"Yes, but don't move. Not yet," I say. I don't want this to end. I want to stay in his arms, where I'm safe, for just a little longer. He seems to know what I'm really asking because his hold on me tightens. My arms wrap around him and hold him as tight as I can, as if we'll be ok if we can just hold on to each other. I love the way his arms feel around me. I love the way his breath kisses my forehead moments before his lips brush there. I love him. And this time, the revelation isn't scary. Not at all.


	3. Dinner

One week later…..

-Peeta-

The relationship between me and Katniss is something most people don't understand. In fact, _I _don't understand it. We're not exactly friends. There are no cameras around now, but our kisses and caresses are for comfort, nothing more. Or at least that's what I tell myself to keep my sanity.

Tonight, I come home early with cheese buns; a normal occurrence in our house. I see that she hasn't made dinner yet, so I get started on making something I think will go great with the cheese buns. It isn't long before I hear her footsteps on the stairs.

"Are you cooking? You know it's my turn," she says, mock angry. I just laugh. "You know this means tomorrow is still your night right? You'll mess up my whole week otherwise." She says that with a smirk on her face, as if she knows she won't be able to get away with not cooking three nights in a row.

"I can still cook tomorrow," I say. I don't really care. I wasn't cooking right now to get out of cooking tomorrow. And I like cooking.

"You're gonna cook three nights in a row? How is that fair?" she raises her eyebrows at me. "Or do you just not like my cooking? That one time you threw up was _not_ from my cooking, remember?" I have to laugh at that.

"How about we go out for dinner tomorrow and forget the whole thing?" I suggest. It makes sense, that way neither of us has to cook, and we definitely have enough money to do it. But the problem is that going out to dinner would feel like a date. And I don't know if our fragile relationship can take that right now. Katniss's silence seems to last a second too long and I regret saying it.

"Sure," she says eventually. "I'd like that." And a smile lights up her face that almost breaks my heart because it's one I've never seen before. A smile that would've meant so much happiness to me a few years ago, but now fills me with pain because it gives me hope. Hope for her love.

-Katniss-

I'm nervous around Peeta now. I don't know if he's noticed my sidelong glances or more frequent smiles but they are more than obvious to me. These new feelings are gonna take some getting used to. In some ways, they had always been there, buried deep in my heart.

There's this new tension between us. I've felt it in my bones. And as he walks in the door now I can't help but stare at his arms as he takes off his jacket. The way the muscles move beneath the skin. The arms that keep me so safe have caused a match to light inside me and I feel warm all over. He's looking at me now. A blush creeps its way up my face and I have to look away.

Peeta clears his throat. "You ready to go?" he asks. He sits beside me on the couch. "You still wanna go, don't you?"

This new proximity is not helping my ability to speak, but I finally find my voice. "Yes. Of course. Let me just…." What was it I had to do? "I'll be down in one second."

I go upstairs quickly. I still can't remember what I have to do. I look at myself in the mirror in our bathroom. I put on my green cashmere sweater with jeans earlier and braided my hair, but it seems like there's something missing. I look the same as I always do but I want to look different tonight, yet still like myself. I try to think if there's something I can do. Something that would make me look more…attractive. Slowly I unbraid my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders in soft brown waves. There.

Peeta's eyes widen in surprise when I come down the stairs. I can see my minor change in appearance has the effect I desired. He smiles nervously at me and I return the smile. Why are we so suddenly shy? This feels too much like a first date, though we've been living together for the last couple months.

Neither of us has said anything yet. I walk over to him and take his hand. There. That feels more normal. "Ready?" I ask. His hand in mine has calmed me down. While his touch still sends shivers along my spine, I am no longer nervous. I'm surer of myself; of us. His eyes travel from our joined hands to my face and I blush again.

"Yeah. Um…" He pauses, lost for words. I can't remember the last time Peeta struggled to find words. "Let's go."

"Where did you wanna go?" I ask as we head out the door.

"It's a surprise," he says. Our hands are still joined and it's all I can do not to put his arm around me and snuggle closer. But I can't do that. Baby steps.

By the time we get to town, I still haven't figured out where we're going. There has only been one restaurant to open up in town since the war, and we've gotten take-out from there before. It wasn't that great (though I'm not too picky about food). Other than that I guess there's always Greasy Sae's house…And the bakery. But that would mean Peeta ended up cooking anyway…But he wouldn't do that…Would he?

We stop in front of the bakery and I'm confused. "What…?" I say to Peeta.

He smiles at me. "It's still a surprise. Just follow me." He pulls me inside after him.

I've been in the bakery before, of course. I was there to help Peeta build it from the ground up and I stop by at least once a week for lunch. Everyone nods at us and we say hello as we walk through the kitchen and passed Peeta's office to a door that leads to…the roof. I think I know where this is headed now and a smile breaks across my face. I turn to Peeta, "What—"

"You'll see," Peeta says. "Go on." He motions for me to go up the stairs and, in awe, I do, with him behind me. My suspicions are confirmed when I reach the top. He made a picnic for us on the roof.


	4. Rooftop Picnic

_He made us a picnic on the roof._ I look at the set-up: the blanket, the food, everything. He's trying to re-create our last day together before the Quell. I'm speechless. I can't believe he'd do this for me. And yet…This is the boy with the bread, the boy who took a beating to feed me when I was starving. My Peeta. Of course he would do this for me. Of course he would recreate our rooftop picnic; the moment that I agreed to live in forever with him.

It's perfect. But when I think of all the effort he went to… "Peeta…this is too much…" I say slowly, shaking my head.

"But you'll allow it?" He says, squeezing my hand.

"I'll allow it," I say. I smile at him, my boy with the bread, and I squeeze his hand back. "Peeta, I—" I break off. "I love it." _I love you_, I don't say.

He smiles at me sweetly. "Well, come on then," he says. He leads me over to the blanket and we sit, facing each other, and I finally notice all the food that is spread out before us. How long must it have taken for him to do this? There's mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, bread, and to my great surprise, _chicken. _I have always loved chicken, but rarely eaten it. There are also a couple of small chocolate cakes, beautifully decorated, as usual. Each one has a small katniss flower on it in white icing.

And, on top of that, are apple slices. I remember the apples that we ate on the roof and the game we played by tossing them against the force field and waiting for them to bounce back. This is too much. I don't deserve this. All of this food will be more than enough to feed the both of us; we'll have leftovers tomorrow. At least all of these foods keep fairly well, except maybe the gravy, but we can always heat that up on the stove. The chicken will spoil before the rest of the food, but it seems as though Peeta purchased a couple of chicken breasts, not a whole chicken. That shouldn't be a problem.

We eat. We feed each other the apple slices. We dribble gravy over our mashed potatoes and watch it run into our green beans and get soaked up by our bread. And when I feel as though I can't eat another bite, I lie down with my head in his lap and he runs his fingers through my hair. I'm glad I didn't wear my hair in its usual braid tonight. I love the feeling of his fingers in my hair.

And when it's finally time to head home, we pack up the leftovers and carry them with us. We can eat them for dinner tomorrow, I muse, on a blanket in front of the fire. It'd be a picnic in our home, in front of the fire where we might one day have a toasting.

A toasting? Is that what I want? I had resolved never to marry, but that was before I fell in love with Peeta. Now, I can't imagine life without him, and I might want to make it official in that way… Though, it doesn't necessarily need to be something that happens now, but one day.

Peeta takes my hand as we walk back home and I smile at him. He smiles back and it sends shivers down my spine. The walk home suddenly feels impossibly long. My footsteps quicken in my eagerness to get home. If Peeta notices, he doesn't comment on it.

When we finally get home, I barely wait until we've finished putting the food away before I grab a hold of the front of his shirt and pull him towards me. My hands find the back of his neck and I kiss him fiercely. His hands settle on my waist once he's recovered from the shock of my boldness. He teases my lower lip with his tongue and I groan into his mouth.

He pulls away. "Katniss?" He seems to express a dozen questions in those two syllables, but I'm not ready to answer any of them, so I move to kiss his jawline, his neck, his collarbone. Each time I kiss a new place, I both feel and hear Peeta gasp. "Katniss… what… why….?"

"I want you," I reply simply. This seems to appease him and he _finally_ resumes kissing me.

After some time, I draw away. "I didn't say 'thank you' earlier, for tonight," I say. "Thank you. I loved it." _I love you_, I still don't say. I wonder when the time will come that I'm ready to say it.

He kisses me lightly in response, lovingly, and I'm reminded of the first time we kissed after our return to District 12.

_I woke up crying. I shook Peeta awake and then hugged him close, as though his arms could hold the pieces of myself together. "Did you have a nightmare?" He asked. He brushed the hair away from my forehead gently. All I could do was nod in response and clutch him tighter, burying my head in his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_"No," I said, shaking my head. "Am I ever going to stop feeling scared?"_

_"Hey," he said, squeezing his arms tighter around me and matching the ferocity of my embrace. "We'll get through this the same way we've gotten through everything else: together."_

_For a second, I didn't know what he meant by "this." Just tonight? This post-war trauma? But then I realized, he meant life. We'll get through life together._

_I thought back to all of the difficult times in my life, and how he somehow helped me through all of them. Even before we knew each other, he gave me the hope I needed to get through my father's death by giving me the bread. He's always been there for me, enriching my life and making it better. He's the greatest man I've ever known._

_"Ok," I finally said. I looked into his blue eyes and hoped that he could read the emotions on my face, and that he'd understand. He looked back at me steadily, his hand cupping my cheek, and I pressed my lips to his._

_This was the first time we'd kissed in months and I could feel the pent-up longing between us. It sizzled and sparked, but I didn't want it to grow into a fire just yet. I was still so very tired from my nightmare. I pulled away and rested my forehead against his. Our breaths intermingled as we tried to catch our breath. I pressed another, softer kiss to his lips. Then I rested my head against his chest once more, he wrapped his arms around me and I sighed contentedly._

_The comfort of his affection and embrace swept through me, and finally, finally allowed me to drift off to a dreamless sleep._

I smile at him. This is _Peeta_, and I silently lead him upstairs to our room.


	5. Real

I close our bedroom door behind us and pause for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Peeta's hands come up to cup my face, lightly brushing my cheeks with his thumbs. I close my eyes contentedly and he kisses me so gently I shiver. He breaks the kiss. "Are you cold?" he asks.

"No. Are you?" He shakes his head. "Good." I unbutton his shirt and he shrugs it off, letting it fall to the floor. I've seen him shirtless before, but seeing him that way now, in this context, sends heat coursing through me.

My fingers trace the scars on his arms. The places too burned to ever grow hair again are the smoothest and I focus my attention on my favorite scar of this kind. It's just above his left elbow and closely resembles a feather. I have a twin of it on my back. I bend down and kiss it gently. I straighten slowly, letting my lips trail up his arm and across his chest to just over his heart. I place a soft kiss there as well and look up at him.

His eyes are dark, his breathing heavy. His hands grip my waist, bunching my sweater in his hands. I place my hands over his, guiding them up along my sides and revealing the bare skin of my stomach. I stretch my arms over my head and Peeta removes my sweater completely, tossing it in the direction of his shirt. I watch the rise and fall of his chest as he drinks in the sight of me in my cream-colored bra. His mouth hangs open slightly. I unbutton and remove my jeans while Peeta stands there, immobile.

Finally, he whispers, "You're so beautiful."

"So are you," I say. And it's true. He's utterly _breathtaking_ in the moonlight streaming through the open window. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. His arms come around me and stroke the skin of my back. I slowly lead him to the bed, my fingers working on the buttons of his pants. I can't seem to get them undone, and after a moment, Peeta's fingers replace mine, undoing the buttons easily. I push his pants down to his knees, but they get caught on his prosthetic leg and we both laugh. Peeta sits on the end of the bed to remove them the rest of the way, and we're both left in only our underwear.

I push him onto his back and climb on top of him. I pin his arms down with mine and place my lips close to his. He tries to close the distance but I move back and he groans. I tease him like this a few more times before he rolls me beneath him and I laugh.

He props himself up on his arms and kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my jaw, avoiding my mouth. I reach down and grip him through the soft cotton of his boxer briefs. He gasps against my ear and I shiver. I'm not sure what I'm doing exactly, but I move my hand up and down his length. It has the desired effect. Peeta presses sloppy kisses to my neck, gyrating his hips against me and groaning every so often. After a few moments, Peeta's arms falter and he drops down on top of me. The front of his underwear has grown damp and I suddenly understand what happened.

"I should've warned you, I'm sorry," he says. "I'll be right back."

While Peeta's in the bathroom, I take the time to rid myself of my bra and underwear, get under the covers, and fan my hair out on the pillow behind me.

Peeta's wearing a new pair of underwear when he returns and I smile at him. He joins me under the covers and it isn't until I've pressed myself against him that he realizes I'm naked.

"Fuck, Katniss," he says. "Are you sure—"

"Yes," I cut him off.

"But what about—"

"The pills I take to regulate my cycle also work as birth control. And neither of us has done this before, right?" He nods. "So we're safe there too. I mean, if you want. We don't have to—"

"Of course I _want_ to. Isn't it obvious?" He laughs. "I'm just surprised is all."

My lips are on his before I'm even aware of leaning in and then Peeta's hovering over me again. He kisses me fiercely and cups my breast in his palm. I moan when he pinches my nipple and rocks his hips against mine. His kisses down my chest and puts his mouth on my breast, taking one of my nipples into his mouth and sucking gently. I fist my hands in the sheets.

When he times a bite of one nipple with a pinch of the other and a thrust of his hips against me, I decide I've had enough. "Peeta, please. I need you."

I tug on the waistband of his underwear and he _finally_ gets the hint and removes them. There's a bit of maneuvering and then the pain that I heard so much about, but it's nowhere near what I expected. I grip his back and urge him to continue.

"I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of this," he says. Is it a reflection of the light or are there tears in his eyes? I've certainly dreamed of this too, but I never imagined how good it would feel, with him moving above me and inside of me, and me crying out from pleasure rather than pain.

The pleasure within me reaches its peak and I'm shuddering and calling out his name and gripping everything I can: the sheets, his hair, his back. Peeta looks at me in awe and I smile at him. His thrusts pick up again and I recognize the signs now. He's close.

"I love you so much, Katniss," he says as he begins to shake.

After, he pulls me to him and I rest my head on his chest. Peeta plays with my hair as we try to regain our breathing.

"You love me. Real or not real?" he whispers.

I lift my head so he can see my face as I say, "Real." And then we're smiling and kissing and I whisper between kisses, "I love you, I love you, _I love you_."

I didn't think I could ever be this happy again, but I am.

**A/N: This is the last chapter :) Thank you to all of those who stuck with this little story. I love you all. Come follow me on tumblr! I'm mrsbonniemellark there too. **


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